Mindrot
Started: Thursday, September 28, 2000 18:14
Finished: Thursday, September 28, 2000 19:07
If there was little of substantive content to be posted here last night, I feel there is even less tonight. Perhaps we'll have to go back to the days of multiple day or week periods with nary a rambling. Eek. I don't like that thought. OTOH, trying to type when there is really little or nothing to say seems kind of pointless. Like what I'm doing right now.
Just trying to reclaim a little mind centering, I suppose. Work these days.... it's not Atlanta hell anymore, nor the spectre of it in my near future, but still... Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm even doing. Having spent nearly 9 hours, brain in the dead zone, rotting from all the pressure, and yet I feel like I've accomplished virtually nothing of value. Spinning wheels in the mud. That's what I would equate most of my day today to. No satisfaction. Depressing is the word. Oh well. It could be worse.
(How, you ask? I could be... oh, say.... 1300 miles to the southeast of here. THAT's how it could be worse. No joke.)
Of course, one of the largest differences between this and a week ago is that there is again some solace in the evening hours. Really shitty stuff happening? After 1700 rolls around, I can just leave it all in a pile, walk out, jump into Tobias, navigate my way back to the Compound through numbed, blank eyes, and attempt to collect my spirits, sleep, and at least feel somewhat mentally prepared to go back and dig in when morning comes. That's what right now is about.
And no, these disspirited words do NOT mean I am looking for job offers. Were the current situation was to persist indefinitely, I would be. But it has been foretold that this insanity shall pass before too much longer. It has also been seen that those up the chain are making good faith efforts to do what can be done to improve this and other matters in the immediate and near future. Therefore, all hope is not lost.
And on the list of things NOT to do (namely, what I did yesterday): Get home from work totally beat, eat leftover pizza while typing Yet Another Inconsequencial Rambling[tm], and immediately afterwards, plop on the bed, fall asleep at 1900, and....
Well, first of all, you know that no matter how tired one is, and how much sleep will be needed before dawn, this is really such a good idea. Why? Because it leads to bouts of these 1am, can't go back to sleep... 2am, wide awake... 3am, maybe try again.... 4am, body finally shutting down for another 6-hour downtime... and.... 6:45... Doh! Time to get up and face the music!
Add on top of that last night's choice of activity while in this 2am hazy brain can't sleep mode: Watch Madonna's The Girlie Show -- Live Down Under DVD. Yeah. That's guaranteed to throw the brain into a psychological tizzy any day. (The content itself probably helped along by the fact that the whole thing brings back some very strong nostalgic vibes from 4.5 years ago, when I viewed a many-times-rented copy of the VHS version from Blockbuster. Parents thought I was going looney. Hah!)
Oh, you mean I didn't mention it? Of course I didn't! That DVD was the "other" item I bought at Best Buy last Friday night during my return trek. A grand and stylish production it is. Top quality in every regard. Music, performances, costumes, choreography, camera work, visual composition, pacing.... everything. Total mind blanker. I highly recommend it. (But no extras, unfortunately. Still, the main feature by itself is well worth it.)
Well, I'm gonna think about support. Tonight, I will endeavor to get to bed at a reasonable hour, in the hopes that I will sleep through all of it, and wake up ready for the morning. It will be TGIF.