3/10/96
Ever since I fell under the delusion that I will become Madonna's one and only, I have been pondering the issue of monogamy. I wanted a monogamous relationship with her, as is indicated in much of my earlier work. I realized that for Madonna, this would be a HUGE stretch, yet there is a part of me that wants to stretch her, as I want her to stretch me. Imagine that! Madonna vows to commit her life to one man. Oh God, just seeing those words on the screen reminds me again of my rediculously overbloated ego.
What would this be like for her? Especially if she decides to tour, and leave me home to take care of the baby. How would it be for her to try living up to such a commitment? My guess: In a word, miserable. One need only look so far as Truth or Dare to see that much of her happiness comes from playing sexual games with her associates, employees, and especailly co-performers. To require her to discontinue this would, I believe, effectively suffocate her emotionally. This is the last thing I would want to do.
Not only would being stuck in a monogamous relationship cut off her supply of love from other sources, it would change the way they would relate to her. She would lose her power over them, and they would torture her for it. Her dancers, all knowledgable of her strong commitment, would feel jealous and frustrated. Being around her seven days a week would intensify this feeling. Before long, they would spend all their energy trying to lure her. It would become an even bigger power game. If she stayed strong in her commitment, their performance in the shows would decline. Instead of thinking about doing a good job, they would be focusing on their boss's sexuality. In all probability, this would drive her career down the drain, eventually.
Furthermore, she would change. She would become frustrated at the loss of power, angry with her crew, powerless to impress audiences, and sooner or later, this would come back to smack me in the face. One possibility is that she would succumb to the wiles of some of the dancers. There would then be the initial coverup and guilt associated with it. As long as she carried this guilt, she would be unable to be honest with me, and eventually the truth would come out, one way or another. I'd be hurt, disappointed, angry, and disillusioned. She'd feel the same way. Then, we'd probably separated for a while, then come back together to repeat this insane cycle.
I definately would not want to insist that she become abstinate. Heck, just to make sure she doesn't get guilty, I might insist that she fuck at least one other person each week. Maybe if we're all in a good mood, we could do a threesome, foursome, or something even more exotic, and I could get in on the action once in a while. Nobody wants to feel left out. If I wanted to get sadistic with her, I could ask for nightly reports on her adventures. This wouldn't be a healthy thing to do very often, though. Bottom line: I'm attracted to her because of the way she is. In order for her to stay that way, she has to maintain her lifestyle. If I want to be with her, I'd better get used to it.
Now that we've talked about her, let's talk about the other side of it. What would I do? While she's out on tour, do I just stay home and abstain? Maybe. I might enjoy a little celibacy while she's away. Heck, that's what I'm doing right now, so if she wanted to keep me the way I am, she'd probably insist that I isolate myself while she goes and fucks anyone she feels like. Unfair? So what? Life's unfair. Deal with it.
On the other hand, I might start feeling really restless at home. While I know this would turn her on, it could get miserable for me. If I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I think I'd have to ask for some concubines. She might try to refuse me, just to see what I'd do. I'll tell you right now, one of two things would happen. One: I'd explode sexually. I'd leave the house, go find a good orgy, and pig out. Two: I'd endure, and when she would get home, she'd have the best screw of her lifetime. Call it a gamble.
There is another possibility that, to me, sounds particularly interesting. I don't know if she'd like it or not. If nothing else, she'd be intrigued by the idea. I would tour with her. Not only could we take our child along to enjoy the ride, we could have a damn good adventure together. Imagine the possibilities for sexual games there! Boring, you say? I think NOT.
Possible scenario (one of many): We both, being the domineering personalities that we are, start teasing the members of the crew. I begin to lure the makeup lady, along with a couple of the gay dancers. Then, to tease Madonna, I instruct then to start becoming insubordinate to her. As a reward, I would grant them sexual favors. This would make her very angry, but being the good sport that she is, she'd play along. She'd have her loyal followers start giving me wedgies if I didn't agree to submit. I'm a strong person, so I'd take the wedgies and keep giving her more shit and trying to win her employees. It could be like One Hundered Twenty Days of Sodom, except that everyone would be a willing participant, and if there were any people not totally enjoying themselves, we'd stop the game and hold an hour of prayer!
With this kind of hedonism going on, what would happen onstage? I would bet the performances would get all the better, although the performers wouldn't all fall in line and do exactly as Madonna says nearly as easily as they did before! The other thing to ask is this: Would Madonna's audience tolerate this kind of perversion? Of course not! That's why we'd have to draw a new audience, as she always manages to do.
Another concern: Where would the kid fit into all this nonsense? Would our child not grow up to become a total fuck-up? That is for the gods to decide. While the kid would no doubt grow accustomed to, and learn to enjoy this way of life, (don't all kids do this, no matter how bad their parents are?) he/she would no doubt have social problems and experience trouble fitting in. This is something that, unfortunately, always happens to the best children. It happened to Madonna. It happened to me. Parents always inflict their own wounds on their children, and we're no different.
So, do I believe in a monogamous relationship? Absolutely. Ha, it's an ideal which will never be achieved. Rather than seek after false goals that nobody really wants, I'll go for that which I want, and M can go for that which she wants. There are a million other possibilities besides the ones I have stated here. Chance are, if you can dream it up, it can happen. You just have to want it badly enough.