3/7/96
So, what's Madonna doing with all this recent talk about putting out an ad in the paper for someone to father her child? Doesn't the media realize she's just joking? And doesn't she realize that any joke she tells is going to be taken out of context by everybody everywhere? Let me tell you right now, none of this matters.
Here's the irony of the whole matter: By telling that silly joke on Nightline, she absolved herself of ever having to put out any kind of advertising. If she does indeed want a man (or, rather, an army of men) to try to father her child, she's got a horde just waiting for her to set foot back in America. If she held a press conference at which she said the first one to knock on her door at whichever house she returns to will father her child, imagine the commotion, the traffic jams, that would appear in Miami, New York, Southern California (I fail to recall exactly where. Hollywood or Beverly Hills maybe?), and wherever else she's got a house.
And which house would she return to? None of them. She'd come back and probably find a hotel in some secluded Bible Belt town in the middle of fly-over country. Why? Because she doesn't want some stranger to insert sperm into her uterus, of course. She'd hide out there until all the commotion died down, then quietly return to one of her many homes and go on with her life until she found Mister Right.
Actually, if you think about it, the idea of taking out an ad for such a thing isn't really all that outlandish. People do it all the time. Now, they may not have Madonna's impeccable sense of humor about it, but don't you think some of the people who put want ads in the paper are fishing around for someone to produce offspring with, just as she is? And, by the way, I do believe there is a very serious side to all her talk about wanting a father for her child. This is certainly not the only occasion on which she has mentioned such an plan. Years ago, when asked if she were ever going to have children, she said she would do so when she found "mistor right". Mistor Right did not come along; and she knows, like any intelligent person, that she doesn't have forever to wait. So her search has intensified. She has made many comments in recent interviews about what kind of man she would like, what she would expect from him, how he would be treated, and what his function in her life would be. Now, she's just keeping herself busy down in Argentina while she waits to find out if anyone is seriously willing to take up her offer.
If she can't find anyone who wants to meet her requirements soon, she's going to have to bend. She's going to have to give concessions. She'll start talking in the press about how she wants a man she can love, a man she can live with, and a man who is sexy. These are easier requirements to meet. She has already stated, contrary to the lyrics in "Material Girl", that she does not want money, she wants love. And that was way back in 1985. Now she's saying that a poor man could get her attention, but she's playing a character that married a rich dictator. This, subconsciously, sends out a signal to rich, powerful men that she might be interested in them as well.
Not only that, but she has talked about feeling the need to go after somebody who is hard to get, somebody so big that it is a real challenge to even get near them. Now this kind of talk has a two pronged effect. First, it puts all the big, powerful men on their toes, as any who hear it will think she might possibly come after them. Second, it raises hope among potential mates in the lower class that she may expect and even desire the same sort of treatment she gives. So if she is willing to go after someone high and mighty, maybe she would want someone without a prayer of seeing her to try to come after her. And even if she doesn't really find anyone she wants, it would at least rouse enough interest in her to generate more record sales. And after all, she does still want to earn a living.
Well, that pretty much covers it when it comes to Madonna's strategy with this whole child-fathering business. As always, she has thought thoroughly about what she is doing, and no matter what transpires, she has made sure she comes out on top. Well, what else would you expect from her? You don't get to be the most powerful woman in the world without using your brain a little. Even if God has blessed her with uncanny talents, she still has to use them before she can get what she wants. And that she has done, and because of it, she shall be rewarded with everlasting happiness as was promised to us all in the Bible.