Purposeless -- or is it?
Friday, August 06, 2010
Location: Mideast Base - Lincoln, NE
I take it as a sign that my journey must be nearing its end when I find myself wandering the streets of a semi-familiar town which I once regarded as home, wondering what the hell I'm even doing here at all. My mind finds itself slowly being sucked back into an existence void of meaning and purpose.
I could see it in the expressions of people I passed walking around downtown. Bleak resignation. Fearfulness, not of any specific danger, but just a general, constant, ambient suspicion cast in all directions. All of this, of course, buried beneath the blank, docile, "everything is normal" facade worn by slaves of bureaucratic routine who have forgotten that life could ever have been anything else. Is this what I'm returning home to do? Am I to become this again?
With cash running low, I decided any and all feasible options for fund-raising would be worth pursuing at this point, so I made my way to the local Labor Ready to check on the possibility of exchanging some of my time and energy for currency. One requirement that I failed to meet was ability to show a social security card. The car fire back at the beginning of the trip took that away.
Once I get back to a spot where I can use the same static physical address for a few weeks, I should theoretically be able to procure a replacement birth certificate and all that BS. Until then, using the credit card for bus fares and other "essentials" will likely remain an option. So in a sense, my existing privilege has granted me an "exit pass" long enough to get my ass back to whatever I want to call "home", and I can return to playing the game of paychecks, rent, and all the other benefits of taking the blue pill.
This is not the life I want to lead. This summer's journey has shown me many visions of far more fulfilling ways of living. But for now, I can't quite stay there yet. Though I have seen ecovillages, communities, and tribal bonds forming amongst Babylon's neglected castaways, I have yet to find the ecovillage that will be "my" long-term home. Before this can happen, my tribe needs to be ready.
I cannot find my ecovillage "home" alone. I need to do it with the people who I love. Though I have taken this summer's educational journey as solo freelance project, in order to be sustainable and blossom, this pursuit cannot succeed as an individualistic effort. It requires tribe.
Fortunately, it has also shown me I am not the only one who is ready to form the stronger human bonds that will be needed in the times to come. Now, cast adrift again in the sea of decaying empire, I feel the need more strongly than ever.
I need to get back with my tribe...
I need to get back with my tribe.
I NEED TO GET BACK WITH MY TRIBE.
Homeward with the journey!