3/13/96
That's a dumb question. A VERY dumb question. Go figure! Take three guesses. I'll give you a clue. I'm trying to win the heart of Madonna. Does that make me a fag? I guess, in some people's eyes, it does. After all, she has attracted fags all her life. Why not add me to the list? Don't bother to mention that I'd love to fuck her more than anyone else. Don't bother to mention that I have a burning desire to fuck anyone of her gender. Don't bother mentioning that despite the fact that I can relate to fellow males in an honest and dignified way, I don't know a single one who I'd like to have sex with.
Madonna has often made the point that women are the ones who are put down, called sluts, and scorned whenever they try to express genuine love and tenderness for anyone. Madonna, I've got news for you: It ain't just women. The same thing happens to men. Whenever one of us is honest, whenever one of us has the courage to stand up to the system in a loving way, whenever one of us can talk to another man without letting our ego take over and control us, we are called a fag. Believe me, I know. It used to happen all the time in school.
I never showed any sexual desire for another man. That did not matter. I was labelled, in a joking manner, mind you, as gay. There was no evidence to support this claim, so my accusers would just talk about it as if it were a joke, just kidding around. When you're joking, you can say anything you like in the world, and you don't have to prove it. Unless, of course, somebody "better" asks you to.
Where I went to school, it became so prevelant that all the guys would go around calling each other fags. I heard the word repeatedly for years before I ever even knew its literal meaning. It was just something you called each other whenever you wanted to insult somebody. I would bet that at least half of my classmates shared my ignorance, but they called people fags anyway whenever they wanted to look "cool". I was hesitant to do so, as I did not really know what the word meant. I was right to be cautious.
One day, I decided I wanted to try my hand in this little game of insults. So I used a word that everyone else was using without knowing anything about what it really meant. I got burned. When I was in the 7th grade, and some of the older boys in the 9th and 10th grades were trying to assert their superiority over me, I decided to get them back using the same techniques that everyone else used. I called them "gay wads". They laughed at my humor, and I was pleased.
Then came the retort. "I didn't know gay people came in wads. Can you explain this? How is it possible?" They then began to laugh again. I was humiliated. I had no idea how to justify my claim, because I literally didn't know what I was talking about. In fact, I never actually learned what the terms "fag" and "gay" meant until years later. Needless to say, I never used either word to describe another person again until I knew what the words meant. And when I did learn what they meant, I never used them to descibe another person, unless I knew what I said was correct. I had learned my lesson the hard way.
So, you see, Madonna, women are not alone in this struggle. The strong males among us have to put up with just as much crap as the strong females. I wonder how many men have been persecuted for being "fags" without ever having had romantic relations with another man. I don't know. I just get sick of this bullshit. Why can't we use our words accurately? Oh well, maybe with usage, the meanings will change. I remember, there used to be a time when the word "gay" was used as a synonym for "happy" or "jolly". Maybe I am gay after all.