3/11/96
They caught us in the act. They exposed us in our shame. They made us see our sin. Then they separated us.
The light of the Divine was unending. I was put into isolation. Others joined me. I saw men loyal to The Party destroyed by it. Their children turned against them, but still their parents loved them. The Party was the all-powerful force of subversion. They could inflict fear and pain like no other. Their will was unstoppable.
I waited for them to take me. I waited, and waited, and waited. Then they beat me. They tortured me. They kicked me. They starved me. They crucified me. I was weak and lifeless. They kept it up. I didn't know why they didn't stop. I wasn't resisting them. But still, they continued.
Then, my mentor in rebelliousness came. He showed me his wisdom, his ability to overthrow the party, and his unwillingness to do so. He turned his anger on me. Gradually, he indoctrinated the inside of my mind to his principles. He showed me for the disgrace I was. I had no way to justify myself, my love, so he did it for me.
Then, he did the unthinkable. Over 100 days had passed, and I was ready. When it came, I was almost relieved. I stood erect as judgement was passed. I did what I said I would never do. I gave my loyalty to God. I betrayed the one I loved. I wished all my misery on her. I gave my pain to the woman. She took it, and she took it from them. Everything I had been was destroyed. I was ready to be born again.
He fed me. He cared for me. He nursed me back to health. They all did. No more beatings, no more hate. The sun kissed me and caressed me. I became strong. The boots had come and trampled on me, and now the wait was over. I had found a place where I could be born.
Soon, I was ready to go out in the world. A child of The Party reaching maturity. It was indeed time for me to go and spread the message to the world. I worked with a team of others. We usually just got together and sat around for a while, but nobody cared. It was good enough for us.
I marveled at the efficiency of our leader. He was so smart, such a great planner, and so cunning. He knew how to defeat the enemy. I knew his plans, and they were perfect. The best chessplayer in the world, and everyone's personal friend. I was ready to meet my maker.
Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto
wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I
will repay, therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed
him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing
thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
-Big Brother